Mario Kart Meets Reality: My Epic BattleKart Experience

Imagine playing Mario Kart: you slow someone down with an oil spill, zoom past them with a nitro boost, or launch a rocket to take them out while you zoom ahead. Now, picture that in real life—with actual Go Karts. Yup, your inner child just did a happy dance.

We rolled up to BattleKart Dubai at 2pm, pulling into the most random industrial-looking spot. As the only ones there, it hit us: it was about to be a showdown between my cousin and me. And if you know anything about our epic rivalries growing up, this was basically a PS2 gaming session come to life. Inside, it was dark—like, really dark. The only lights were from the arcade games glowing to our right and some dim bulbs in the reception area that barely illuminated the face of the guy behind the counter. He told us to head upstairs while they set things up, since we were the first ones there. So, up we went. We dove deeper into our childhood memories with a few rounds of Air Hockey. Naturally, after years of honing my skills back in the day, I came out victorious. Then we switched to foosball, which was a bit... off. Instead of the usual side-to-side player movement, the figures moved up and down. It was weird. Different... but definitely weird. And, of course, I lost.

Next up, we were called down for the safety briefing, where they plopped a prop Go Kart on the floor to demonstrate the basics: reversing, accelerating, and—most importantly—launching rockets. We were also informed about the way things were going to go. First, we jump straight into the action with a race, followed by a round of BattleKart Football, then a colour game (yes, you read that right), and finally, we wrapped things up with another race. Because, you know, why not end on a high-speed note?

We rolled onto the track, which, to be honest, was a massive, dark four-by-four room. The Karts were lined up on the side, with one in particular sporting the name "Abijit" on the back. I thought to myself, “This is gonna be a walk in the park. I’ve got this in the bag." Spoiler alert: I did not. We strapped in, and then—boom—suddenly, a series of lights flickered on behind us. The entire track lit up in vibrant colours, transforming the space into a neon dream. We slowly made our way to the starting line, heartbeats racing as we waited anxiously for the green light. Let the chaos begin.

"3, 2, 1..." and a sound signaling "go" blasted through the speakers. I shot ahead for most of the race, but my cousin—ever the strategist—used his power-ups like a pro and overtook me. I mostly got rockets, which were only useful if he was ahead. Still, it was an adrenaline rush. Then came the football. The football was this giant digital thing that was incredibly sensitive to being 'hit' by a Go Kart. My cousin scored one before he dropped his phone and paused the play. My heart beat began to slow down whilst he looked for his phone. Before I knew it the lights were on again and my reaction time was too slow, allowing him to score another "Damn, I was so close to making a comeback," I muttered, wishful thinking already creeping in. But I wasn’t done. I quickly scored a goal right after, finally getting the hang of it. The fourth kick-off began, and I had the ball. But of course, my cousin hit his nitro boost and sent the ball rocketing toward the goal. I countered with my own boost, overtook him, and managed to bring the ball back. After a few ricochets between the ball and our Karts, I realised I had the upper hand, and with the angles just right, I kept at it. The staff started cheering as the ball made its way to the other end. I was almost there! All I needed was one more nitro boost to score the equalizer. They screamed, clapped, and yelled, “Go!”—I assumed they were all in on my dramatic comeback. Heart pounding, I surged toward the ball, a mere meter away... and then, suddenly, the lights cut off.
I looked around, bewildered, shouting, “What happened?”
The man stood on the side, clearly hearing the frustration in my voice, simply said, "Full time." They were all cheering because they knew time was almost up and I was going for the draw.
I was so annoyed.

Next up was the colour game, which was basically a race to cover as much space as possible with your assigned colour. I was so sure I’d won this one. I was pumped to get a game back on my cousin, ready for some sweet, sweet revenge. The game ended within a couple of minutes, and I was practically celebrating.
Excited to see my score, I eagerly glanced at the screen. It flashed up: 190 points for me... and 197 for him.
Cue the "Bruh" moment of the century.

Despite the close calls, I was still having a blast. The final race was up, and this time, we were going the other way around the track. I started behind, but I had a plan—I knew how to use those power-ups. First, I got a rocket. Missed. My cousin, of course, got the nitro boost and zoomed ahead. I focused on the turns, cutting corners as efficiently as I could, and before I knew it, I was right back on his tail. Cue the Lewis Hamilton moment. Then, I got the oil barrel. I unleashed it, slowing him down just enough to overtake him, and then grabbed a nitro boost for good measure. With two laps left, I made a risky move: I wasted two rockets just to get a different power-up (because, you know, you can only have two at a time). I was hoping for the oil barrel again—and it worked. I slowed him down and used a nitro boost to gain even more ground. Then, out of nowhere, I got two rockets. By now, I could tell I had just enough distance between us that, on any curve, I could essentially shoot a rocket from across the map. First attempt? A miss. But the second time? I hit him! And, funny enough, even the staff started clapping as I slowly cruised across the finish line.

It’s moments like these that remind you: it’s always fun to be a kid again.

Feeling pretty good about finally winning something other than Air Hockey, I was on cloud nine—especially after that final rocket I hit him with. But just as I was soaking it all in, my cousin had to ruin the moment. With a straight face, he said, "I was recording most of that, so I wasn't really paying attention..."

LIES. I could see it in his eyes.

We wrapped up the day at Emirates Mall, where I had my first-ever experience at The Cheesecake Factory. Let me tell you, it was way fancier than I expected. We dug into Mac and Cheese balls served on a bed of creamy cheesy sauce, a Thai rice dish, and some rich creamy Alfredo pasta with chicken. All of it was washed down with mojitos, and for dessert—because why not?—we had a Limited Edition Coconut Cream Pie cheesecake. Honestly, I was way happier after the food than I was after the BattleKart. Knowing traffic would keep us from getting home for at least an hour and a half, we decided to kill some time at the mall cinema. We caught The Red One—side note, since when did cinemas have leg rests?! I may have been more excited about those than the movie. Finally, we ended the day with a trip to the famous Turkish bakery Hafiz Mustafa 1864. If you ever get the chance, trust me, it’s heaven. They serve the best of the best when it comes to Turkish desserts—think Baklavas, dried fruits, cakes, and of course, Turkish delight. My sweet tooth was thoroughly satisfied. The best milk cake I have ever had.