From Chaos to Calm: My Eventful Journey to Antalya

Antalya began in a very chaotic way. On my first flight to Germany, the Frankfurt Airport decided to play hide and seek by shutting down, forcing our plane to circle the sky like a confused vulture for an hour. I didn’t even know planes could just hang out in the air like that.

My layover was quite an experience. I had a hard time finding my gate, and security questioned me about what was under my turban. Honestly, I had no idea how to explain it other than pointing to my head and then back to his like an anxious lunatic trying to get him to understand that it was my hair and no weapons of any sort. The security officer thought I was odd, and I thought he needed a break. When I made it to my gate I found that the panic was for nothing since my flight to Antalya was also delayed. 'This was my first and last layover', I thought. Despite the challenges, the wait was humorous. I must say that German dads are unique. I saw three fathers ahead of their crying, chubby toddlers, trying to lure them with milk bottles and glasses of beer. Whatever they were attempting, it definitely wasn't working, but it was like watching a live-action sitcom. I did feel bad for the toddlers, their cheeks were red and tears pouring down their faces. They either really wanted the drinks, or needed their mothers.

Once I arrived at Antalya Airport at 2a.m., finding the taxi driver holding a sign with my name was a nightmare. One of the other drivers asked where I was going and questioned everything about me, and he then let me use his hotspot. That was helpful, but then he picked up a call and said something I couldn’t understand. Long story short, he was telling his partner in crime to steal my jacket. I didn’t realise it until several taxi companies told me to head back into the airport for an internet connection. It was then, looking down at my suitcase, that I saw my jacket was missing. Eventually, a different taxi driver let me use his hotspot, and I finally got in touch with my taxi service. I was greeted by an absurdly short female taxi driver. She couldn't see me because nobody could see her. Even the signboard she was holding with my name on it was twice as big as her torso. "You damn... mango!" I thought to myself. Two hours late, with a stolen jacket, tired, and annoyed with the entire Antalya Airport staff, I needed to go to the toilet. Good start? Nope. Does it get better? One hundred percent!

That same day, I had a Turkish Hamam booked. A husband and wife walked in, and the first thing she requested was a male attendant for her husband. The man responded, "women are with women, and men are with men." She nodded, and her husband laughed. I smiled at the interaction but the woman caught me and her husband laugh at the same time. We immediately stopped. Why did I feel like I was getting told off? We changed and wore towels around our waists then entered the hottest steam room I’ve ever experienced. In the UK, this level of heat would probably be illegal. Before my peeling and bath began, I watched the Turkish attendant perform the bath and peel on another European man. Out of nowhere, he slapped the man's rear and then used his elbow to massage his thighs, back, and arms. The connection the sound made from the slap echoed in the room. When it was my turn, I nervously said, "Please... no slap," before continuing. Everyone in the room laughed while I sat there awkwardly. The peeling process was vigorous, yet vital after the airport experience I had ten hours earlier. There were about three others lying adjacent to each other, also taking part. I think the slap was personal because nobody else received one.

With my back cracked, muscles loosened, and dirt removed, I thought, "Let's crack on with the rest of this trip," as I sipped on my warm cup of complimentary Turkish tea. When I exited the building to get a recording of the roads, at the perfect timing I heard the Azaan in the distance. It was so loud that I couldn't even see the mosque it was coming from. The Arabic accent was noticeably different from the one I had heard in Dubai before.

P.S. The bidet showers in the hotel toilets in Turkey are some of the coolest I've seen. A little ticklish but super convenient. Take notes, Europe!